ok…I’m ready now.

2018 is coming to an end and I’m getting the ‘feels’. So much has happen this year, but mostly it was all just overwhelming. I lost my father-n-law beginning of the year, that hit home H A R D. I was struggling with depression and anxiety shortly after deciding to leave my job and then my husband got deployed….

I was devastated.

I decided to go stay with my dad against my husband better judgement (I admit I should have stayed home). As the months went on, so did reality. The late night calls, care packages, miscommunications, D I S T A N C E. Gosh, I HATE DEPLOYMENT. But we continued to push through, but then…

I lost my papa.

We tried everything. The whole time my husband was gone my papa was in and out of surgeries, having to have his foot amputated, his heart repaired, and countless nights in and out of the hospital until he said no more. It was so hard having to see my mother and aunt go through all of this. While I was trying to stay strong for everyone I just felt like the world was on my shoulders. Not necessarily because I was needed, but because my husband is not home and I was going through other misunderstandings at the same time with another family member on my husband side of the family all while loosing my grandpa. I was no use to anybody.

But because of her..

Its because of her that no matter what friend I loose or what set back I’m in she’s there. That night I got the call my papa passed. We all went to the hospital, met with family, viewed the body and mourned. I went home and slept until 11 and my best friend of 20 + years was knocking at the door with food and stress relievers. I was grateful for her.

The next few weeks was hard. We had the funeral and inside I was still a mess. At this point I’ve isolated myself, only dealing with my best friend and immediate family. My husband was trying to be in my corner as much as he could but yet again distance makes it hard.

Graduation was approaching and It was almost time to go H O M E! (yesss!)

I cant tell you how amazing it feels to have some sort of college degree. I graduated with my Associates of arts in Human Services!! And then guess what…

My hubby finally came home! My smile shows how happy I was to have him back. Until they took him back again for a month.

But this time it was different. I was already aware of my up and down emotions and had already inquired about therapy help. Its crazy how the African American community are so uneducated about mental health (we’ll save that for another post). But with professional help, prayer, support, and spiritual guidance, I was back myself .

I had found myself again, except I was a better version. I had been through the storm and was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I was at peace, in-plus I found a new job at a new federal institution.

So there you have it!

My 2018 was a real life roller coaster. Between Death, Deployment, Distance, and Depression I was done. But with Faith and Perseverance I got through.

Happy 2019 B*TCHS!

Life is a J O U R N E Y.

My life didn’t go nearly as I planned. I never planned to be an amazing wife at the age of 25. I never imagined being employed where I am today. I never envisioned having a child and being an amazing mom (I didn’t even like kids). I never imagined losing friends, and I wasn’t ready for new ones. I didn’t see myself getting through those bad times, and I wasn’t prepared for those good ones.


When your young you think you know it A L L! In my early 20’s I wasn’t even aware that I was blocking my own blessings. It wasn’t until R I G H T now that I started moving where my spirit took me. I had to lose friends, have family fall outs, and lose desire for old habits for me to realize…

For me to S E E.

Its something about isolation that allows you to find yourself. I started looking for something deeper within myself. A talent? A hobby? A…calling? I was so tired of surrounding myself around all these bad people and bad habits, I just wanted to be..

I N S P I R E D.

I noticed I was having conversations with people but they didn’t understand. They couldn’t feel me on the same level that I felt myself, and that was a problem. Its almost like talking to a child. They’re listening, but do they fully understand you? Do they even…care? I noticed I would post a Facebook status and nobody would like it, but yet the bird box meme is trending (get it,? Nobody understands the meaning of the movie yet its trending because her eyes are covered).That’s whats wrong with the world, nobody is taking anything serious.

I. N E E D E D.

My own outlet, My own…space (I literally almost named my blog spot Mispace hahahaha!). But seriously, I needed to be able to speak my mind and not feel stupid about it because everyone only cares about silly memes and ratchet television. So I thought… B L O G.