ok…I’m ready now.

2018 is coming to an end and I’m getting the ‘feels’. So much has happen this year, but mostly it was all just overwhelming. I lost my father-n-law beginning of the year, that hit home H A R D. I was struggling with depression and anxiety shortly after deciding to leave my job and then my husband got deployed….

I was devastated.

I decided to go stay with my dad against my husband better judgement (I admit I should have stayed home). As the months went on, so did reality. The late night calls, care packages, miscommunications, D I S T A N C E. Gosh, I HATE DEPLOYMENT. But we continued to push through, but then…

I lost my papa.

We tried everything. The whole time my husband was gone my papa was in and out of surgeries, having to have his foot amputated, his heart repaired, and countless nights in and out of the hospital until he said no more. It was so hard having to see my mother and aunt go through all of this. While I was trying to stay strong for everyone I just felt like the world was on my shoulders. Not necessarily because I was needed, but because my husband is not home and I was going through other misunderstandings at the same time with another family member on my husband side of the family all while loosing my grandpa. I was no use to anybody.

But because of her..

Its because of her that no matter what friend I loose or what set back I’m in she’s there. That night I got the call my papa passed. We all went to the hospital, met with family, viewed the body and mourned. I went home and slept until 11 and my best friend of 20 + years was knocking at the door with food and stress relievers. I was grateful for her.

The next few weeks was hard. We had the funeral and inside I was still a mess. At this point I’ve isolated myself, only dealing with my best friend and immediate family. My husband was trying to be in my corner as much as he could but yet again distance makes it hard.

Graduation was approaching and It was almost time to go H O M E! (yesss!)



I cant tell you how amazing it feels to have some sort of college degree. I graduated with my Associates of arts in Human Services!! And then guess what…

My hubby finally came home! My smile shows how happy I was to have him back. Until they took him back again for a month.

But this time it was different. I was already aware of my up and down emotions and had already inquired about therapy help. Its crazy how the African American community are so uneducated about mental health (we’ll save that for another post). But with professional help, prayer, support, and spiritual guidance, I was back myself .

I had found myself again, except I was a better version. I had been through the storm and was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I was at peace, in-plus I found a new job at a new federal institution.

So there you have it!

My 2018 was a real life roller coaster. Between Death, Deployment, Distance, and Depression I was done. But with Faith and Perseverance I got through.

Happy 2019 B*TCHS!

“Becoming” by Michelle Obama

Check out this Reader! Shes reading our “BOOK of the Month” “Becoming Michelle Obama” 🙂

AMG Reading Journal

I wanted to write about this book BEFORE checking out reviews and other feedback, but it’s becoming more difficult every day! I just got a Facebook message from the man himself (Barack Obama) recommending the book, and offering a few other comments. He did not yet release his annual list of favorite books.

One of the first questions I was asked (by a friend) was whether Mrs. Obama had a co-author. There’s none on the title page. She mentions many people in her acknowledgements (which run to three pages and end, unpredictably, with a gratitude towards “every young person I ever encountered during my time as First Lady… Thank you for giving me a reason to be hopeful”). So, the answer is “no”. There was no co-author.

Michelle Obama emphasized one thing over and over. Each of us has a story to tell. Each of us matters. Much of her…

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Suffering Veterans…sigh

Everyday I encounter Veterans at my job just wanting whats due! They fought for our country, they served their time and our country. Why is it that we can’t hold our end of the bargain?

Today a Vet came in complaining because he just had his vein removed out his leg due to heart surgery and now has been told he has been affected by this chemical from when he served in Vietnam called “Agent Orange”.

They promised him 60% on top of 30%, but some how he’s only getting 50%. On top of that, their paying him as if he was a single Veteran. He’s been married for almost 54 years.

This is our reality. This is every veterans nightmare. To be disable, disfigured, and disappointed in your country for not holding up their end of the bargain, and leaving you and your family to pick up the pieces after all is lost.

Time is lost.

For what? Who are we really fighting for?

The Importance of Appreciation in a Relationship

RainbowsandRainfall

appreciation

Do we have appreciation in relationships or do we take each other for granted?

That’s a question we all should be asking ourselves when in a relationship. Often we don’t even notice the slip into lack of care and appreciation for each other until something happens to wake us up – arguments, frustration, resentment, affairs – and then we dwell on what is not working in the relationship.

I feel, as human beings, we constantly crave for positive attention. And appreciating someone is the best way to go about doing it.

Appreciation is a key to any relationship. Appreciating someone makes them feel good about what they do, and that it makes a difference to their lives. It makes them feel better about themselves, urging them to go on with new vigor and strengthening the relationship.

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Your sleeping with W H O??!!

So a little before Thanksgiving I was invited to a gathering at a friends house. I would usually casually decline because I’m low key anti-social, but instead I disregarded my better judgement and tagged along. I was told it was going to be a intimate event, but sadly it turned into something totally opposite.

So before I went to my friends house I “pre-gamed” so I could be relaxed since it was going to be a chill evening with some close friends. I arrived and the usual people were there so I was content. I sit down with my wine (already somewhat lit) and started chatting with my friend. Out of no where *DING DONG*…who could that be? (she know I don’t do outsiders or pop-ups). Its her friend (we’ll call her sausage out of respect for identity purposes) and I was not told she would be in attendance.

Now I know your reading this like dang girl stop being so anti, but you don’t understand how messy this small place can be. So Sausage comes In, sits down, and tells me she’s been D Y I N G to get to my phone. So now I’m convinced this girl must be drunk because we are not, I repeat are N O T friends. So I look at her in confusion like “My” phone? Shes like yea, “your” phone. So I asked, “why”? She proceeds to tell me how we have a mutual, key word “mutual” friend, and she wanted to see her Facebook. So knowing me and my “anti-socialness” (is that even a word?) I ask what friend because I don’t have many. She tells me the letter of her name and I instantly knew EXACTLY who she was talking about. I knew she wasn’t her friend as well so I asked why she needed to see her Facebook.

She then proceeds to tell me how shes S L E E P I N G with her husband and shes just trying to make sure the marriage is truly over. I was in DIS-B-F-ING-LIEF! How dare you I thought. I had just recently kind of tapered away from the friendship because she had up and left out of no where without saying bye or even giving an explanation. Last me and my other friend heard she and her husband were having issues and he was having an affair. Now here I am sitting right here beside the MISTRESS! To reiterate, I pregamed before I got there and by now im taking shots of who knows what, and I was pissed.

I cursed him up and down in front of her and told her he was surely married as we previously had a family night with the couple if not a month ago. I was so pissed, again. So I tell her I’m upset now because I dont appreciate being pulled into drama, but I also didnt appreciate her approaching me about it as if I was going to be OK with her sleeping with my friends husband, and she wasn’t even her mutual friend (rolls eyes). The rest of the evening I felt betrayed for not only my friend, but I felt betrayed by my friend who invited to her home. How dare she let this girl come in and involve me in something I had no business being involved in.

The rest of the evening went smooth on the outside, but on the inside I felt SO SO SO SO B A D! I was irritated inside watching this girl (sausage, whose also married to a man overseas by the way) not only inquire about my friends husband, but then proceeds to be frisky and flirty with my husband friends as we play a game of UNO while she gets drunk. She clearly does this often.

Next day I was still furious. I don’t know what it is but infidelity is a pet peeve for me. I take it very S E R I O U S. So I open up to a mutual friend of my friend who is married to the cheating husband. She then proceeded to tell her since we both felt very bad. The wife was furious, but she kept her cool. She approached him, he approached Sausage, and know what sausage does? TELLS HIM I TALKED SMACK ABOUT HIM (As if i cared). I was furious, again.

So I call my friend whose house this happened at and guess what all she wanted to know? “Well how did it get back to his wife”?, is what she wanted to know. FIRST OF ALL don’t come checking me before you check your trifling a** friend!

Since the fall out I’ve been as distant as I can be. Staying to myself, never detouring from the routine. See my friend, She thinks because it has nothing to do with her then she is safe. She feels it wont change, nor alter her lifestyle because its not her business. But I heard in a sermon that “even a rock changes form during the course of weathers”. You can be solid as a rock, but even in its own environment it still changes shape without really noticing.

People’s demons have ways of jumping on you, changing your thoughts and actions. I’ve been through that and seen it happened to people over and over again. Besides, birds of a feather flock together, and I’m just not that kind of girl…..